What happened when I listened to some unwanted advice

What happened when I listened to some unwanted adviceWhat happened when I listened to some unwanted adviceEarlier this week, I welches doing my regular morning swim. I dont always swim in the nicht weit davon entfernt sein lane because Im definitely not the best swimmer out there. But, I did today because it was the emptiest lane and because I felt like pushing myself a bit.Another guy was also in the fast lane, someone who looked to be in his mid-60s. He was clearly a faster swimmer. After we had both been swimming for about 10 minutes, he had already lapped me twice.As I was resting at one end of the pool, trying to catch my breath between laps, he swam up to me and stopped to also catch his and share a bit of unsolicited advice with me.You should try to put your head down into the water he said to me loudly as he stopped.Huh? I replied, between my heavy breaths.When your heads outta the water like that, its slowing you down He then mimicked my stroke in the air, giving his best im pression of my technique- or lack thereof. Just look down into the water Youll go faster if you put your head in the water He then demonstrated.I quickly replied, Im not here to go fast. Then quickly turned away from him and redirected my gaze down toward the other end of the pool.He then noticed I was rubbing my neck and persisted. Also, you wont have a sore neck because you wont be swinging your head to side-to-side like you are right nowMy neck HAD actually been feeling sore. But in an attempt to close down this conversation, I quickly turned toward him, threw up my defenses, and snapped, Thats not why my neck is sore then turned away from him.My initial instinct was to dismiss him. After all, I didnt need random guy who was twice my age critiquing my swimming style. I was there for a quick swim, not to perfect my stroke or make it to the Olympics.But I knew exactly what he was referring to. When I swim, I make a point to keep my head above water. As far back as I can remember,Iv e been scared of water. I never liked swimming. Most of memories I have from my parents sending me to swimming lessons when I was young involve me gasping for air, swallowing lots of water, and not liking the sting of water on my eyes. On top of that, Im very nearsighted, so when Im swimming without my glasses, Im in this blurry abyss of confusion where I have squint just to see where Im going.I tried to take up swimming lessons again when I lived in Hawaii, but I didnt get much better. My instructor even told me Im a sinker, where the structure of my body is such that my legs naturally sink instead of float like most peoples. She told me that she had run into a few people like that, but it wasnt very common.Theres always room for improvementWhen I moved to the UK seven years ago, I stopped playing tennis, so wanted to find another aerobic activity to do. I decided on swimming just because I quickly grew bored of running, and also, as a way of conquering my fears, and challenging my self. Something about doing the actual activity that scared me was appealing.Since then, Ive made a lot of progress. I went from barely being able to swim from one end of an Olympic sized pool to the other to being able to swim multiple laps without stopping. And its now the exercise I do mora than any other exercise. When I went swimming with my wife a couple weeks ago, whos quite a fast swimmer herself, she told me that she noticed Ive gotten a lot faster.But one thing I still couldnt get myself to do was put my face down into the water. I realize that sounds silly, but Id rather thrash around in the pool than risk swallowing water. I know it slows me down, but just swimming without drowning was a bit step for me, and I felt my technique was good enough to do the job. Actually, I had been feeling pretty good about my progress. Until I crossed paths with this random guy who insisted on sharing some unsolicited advice I didnt ask for.Unwanted advice isnt always easy to receiveAs we both stood there side-by-side after our quick exchange, breathing heavily with our hands on our hips, staring down at the other end of the pool, I had a flash back to a conversation Id just had the week prior. A friend of mine told me an acquaintance of hers had offered her advice about something she was going through, even though she didnt ask for that persons advice. She went on to tell mehow much receiving unsolicited advice irritated her. About how she hates it when people give her advice she doesnt ask for. About how unsolicited advice is even mora annoying when it comes from someone you dont know, respect, or have anything in common anyway.In some ways, I saw her point. Everyones situation is unique, and advice, in many ways, is about taking your own experiences and trying to apply them to another situation with the presumption that A) that what worked for you will work for them, and B) that the situations are similar enough to where the advice youre offering is relevant. As a coach, I try not to offer advice unless Im asked for it explicitly for this very reason.Still, I tried to convince her that there can actually be value in accepting the advice people offer. I told her that sometimes, people may be able to spot something you cant spot yourself. That maybe a different perspective could help open your eyes to something new. That at leastconsideringsomeones advice may benefit you in some small way. In fact, Id benefited a lot from people way more experienced than I who took the time to share some advice with me.She seemed unconvinced.What happened when I let my guard downAs that conversation bounced around in my head at that moment, I felt a bit like a hypocrite. Here I was saying how you should take on advice, yet I wasnt willing to do it myself? I decided to let my guard down a bit and hear what this guy had to say. After all, my swimming technique WAS something Id struggled with for decades.I looked back over at him. You know, Im not the best swimme r. I dont put my face down when I swim because I cant seem to figure out the breathing.Ohh, well, the trick is to make sure you breath out completely when your heads down BEFORE you turn your head to get some air. If youre still breathing out while your heads turned AND trying to breathe it, that wont work.Yeah, that makes sense, but I still have this issue where when I turn my head to get air, Im afraid of swallowing water.He squinted his eyes and gave me a funny look. All you have to do is just make sure you turn completely as you pull your obere extremitt out of the water. Its less about turning your head, and more about letting it turn naturally as you pull your arm out of the water. He then demonstrated.Yeah, but I started to rebut.He interrupted, Just practice it slowly. Get the technique down, then when you get comfortable with it, you can go faster. Dont kill yourself trying to go fast and practice your technique.Well, Im also trying to keep up with you. I joked. You know, I dont wanna slow you downHe went onto tell me that he doesnt often swim in the fast lane himself. That he always leaves that lane whenever someone faster comes along because its too much pressure.With that, he put his goggles back on, and before he pushed off to carry on swimming, he said, Anyway, try it if you want.I stood there, thinking about what he just said, and decided to give it a shot then and there. Oddly enough, just keeping in mind those two things breathing out completely and allowing my head to turn naturally with my body, I was suddenly swimming with my face down in the water and breathing just fine.Everything changed, just like thatNow for those of you out there who are natural swimmers, you may not think this is a big deal. That Im creating a lot of drama around a pretty simple part of swimming. But for me, someone whos struggled with swimming for the past 35 years, I couldnt believe how this short conversation suddenly helped me get over this mental barrier Id he ld for my entire life. For me, being able to swim correctly was a game-changer.By being more horizontal in the water, I swam more quickly, immediately shaving 5 seconds off the time it takes me to swim a pool length. I swam more efficiently, making it down the length of the pool in 24 strokes instead of 36. I also swam longer before needing a break.Now that Im doing this, Ill never go back to my old way of swimming. Sure, I swill swallowed a bit of water today when I tried it again, but Im going to keep working on it.I guess this is what people call a teachable moment. A moment when you allow yourself to be taught, when you open yourself up to learn some valuable lessons.In this case, my initial instinct was in line with my friends. To reject unsolicited advice. I cant even fully explain why. But its some combination of pride, wanting people to mind their own business, and perhaps a bit of arrogance about not needing feedback. However, I learned a few lessonsLesson 1 You improve whe n you allow yourself to be critiquedMy initial instinct was that I didnt need to get better. That my swimming technique was good enough, so I wasnt looking for advice on how to improve. But when I opened myself up to critique, and when I gave myself permission to openly share what was getting in my way, it actually helped me improve.Lesson 2 Game-changing advice can come from anyoneIve had so many swimming instructors in the past no one has been able to help me crack this issue. Then, suddenly, one day, a random guy ended up explaining this in a way that just clicked with me. All I know about this guy is that his name is John. I may or may never see him again.Lesson 3 Putting your pride aside can open opportunitiesThat conversation I had with this guy could have simply ended after I shut it down. I didnt want to get anything out of that conversation, so I didnt. At least not initially. But, when I allowed myself to put my pride and arrogance aside, I actually opened myself up to a new way of doing things. That choice ultimately benefitted me.Lesson 4 Fears are as big as you allow them to beFor years, Ive not dared to put my face in the water when swimming. Then, on one ordinary day, after an ordinary 20 second conversation, everything changed. Just like that. When you think about the literally OR metaphorically, it demonstrates how much we can inflate our own fears, to the point where they seem insurmountable. But sometimes, its actually not as big of a deal as you imagine.So if you find yourself instinctually rejecting unsolicited advice, just remember that a lot of wisdom exists in the world. When you allow yourself to receive it, you may be surprised how much of a positive impact it can have on things that matter to you.This article originally appeared onjospehliu.comand Be Leaderly.